Woes of a Fraud Mallu…….

I am tired of hearing it. Anyone who finds it out always tend to ask me ‘u a mallu. You don’t look like it or act like it or speak like one’. So I think it’s apt to say that I belong to a large group of people evident everywhere, the ‘Fraud Mallu’gang. Like someone …

Written by: Soumya Nambiar

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I am tired of hearing it. Anyone who finds it out always tend to ask me ‘u a mallu. You don’t look like it or act like it or speak like one’. So I think it’s apt to say that I belong to a large group of people evident everywhere, the ‘Fraud Mallu’gang. Like someone said wherever you go in the world you will find a mallu. So why do I fall into a fraud mallu gang??

1. Well for starters, I wouldn’t say that my Malayalam is that great. I know how to speak fairly well. That is what I claim. But if someone really starts to speak in fluent Malayalam I can look as stupid as the guy in ýou got to be dumb ad. My reading skills are just ok ( that implies that I can read the bus signs before the bus goes on its way). And writing is a big no-no. I do know how to write my name though.

2. Another very valid point is I do not have the entire coconut oil ever produced in Kerala on my hair. It is actually hard to find mallu females without oil in their hair.

3. I prefer north Indian food to mallu food. Actually I just don’t like rice. My 3 yr old niece eats more rice that I do.

4. I am not that enthusiastic about bandhs or strikes. I know that bandhs are the birthright of every mallu. But come on, I don’t mind not going to office. But I definitely can’t stay at home for more than a day.

5. I just don’t like speaking Malayalam in office. I think it just beats the corporate culture we have.

6. Most of the mallu females of my age are either married or getting married. I guess I am just not bothered. Me and my mom r at loggerheads over this.

7. The classic turmeric paste on my forehead is missing.

8. I like very few mallu movies that are released nowadays. I miss the movies of the 80’s and the ’90s. There were so many classics. I think it is high time that veteran actors like Mammootty and Mohanlal move out and give way to others. I recently saw Mammoty dancing in a movie. I don’t think in his 25 yrs career he has actually danced more than 5 times. Then why is he doing it now?

9. I don’t get the concept of castes or religion.

10. I don’t go gaga when I see a mallu do something gr8. I am just proud that he is an Indian.

11. I don’t create trouble for other mallus. Every mallu is another mallus nightmare when it comes to obstacles.

12. youah seeyah I dunt speak likaa a malayalee.

13. Last but not the least, I don’t mind being called a mallu. If you have the guts go and call a true mallu a mallu.

About Soumya Nambiar

Soumya Nambiar here, affectionately known by many nicknames. Avid Traveler, Blogger, Vegetarian Foodie, Entrepreneur from Bangalore, India who grew up in Tanzania, Africa.

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